The Heart Asks Pleasure First

pianoListening to Michael Nyman early in the morning…before work begins. Just close my eyes and let the piano keys draw inside a part of me a most beautiful mosaic of moods. I have been so tired this week…even after last night’s dreamless sleep, there’s a yearning for a camatose… a complete black out. A need to loose conciousness for a week or two…perhaps longer…

And I wonder, how much longer will I live? Another 20, 30, 40 years? Jesus! It’s a long time…

What kind of pleasure does heart ask for? It is something my best poetic expressions cannot do justice to, the way Michael Nyman does, in his haunting theme for “The Piano”: The heart asks pleasure first.

I am so lukcy that way, I could find a sort of intimacy so easily, in music; something so elusive to find in another human being. The moment I reach out for someone, they run away for miles…the moment someone reaches for me, I clam up and shut down.

Perhaps, this is why art exists: to fill the gap we cannot fill in ourselves…to complete that  missing piece in our soul, we serach for so badly but cannot find, except perhaps in a poem or a painting or a book or a film or music . What a dream, ah!

And I still wonder, what kind of pleasure do our hearts ask for?

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One thought on “The Heart Asks Pleasure First

  1. Thanks for sharing yourself so openly in this blog. I think all people have felt what you are describing in this post. I used to feel this way too. Now I try to allow myself to feel love for all beings. To treat them all well, and always have good intentions. This is hard, because it is a selfless act. But an act which also is good for oneself. By meditating this happens naturally.

    To me the purpose of art is to communicate. The fulfilling part then lays in sharing values, feelings and our lives with all we love. And to get their response!

    Keep writing and taking amazing photographs!

    Best wishes and love from Sweden.

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